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What to Expect with Couples Counseling

As a Certified Imago Therapist, Michele O'Mara is specialized in couple's counseling.  Whether you are in a same-sex, gay or lesbian relationship, or  in a heterosexual marriage or partnership, your relationship is safe with Michele.

For those of you who do not know what to expect from couple's counseling, here's a quick overview. 

Ideally couples will begin by scheduling 90 minute counseling sessions (which you can do now, from the internet).  If you have difficulty finding a time that works for both of your schedules, contact me and we can discuss the possibilities for alternative times to meet.

The purpose of couple's counseling

1. Identify the issues. Uncovering the issues that cause concern to each partner, and the impact of these issues on each person, as well as on the relationship.  This occurs through a process of exploration of your respective frustrations, hurts, desires, fears, hopes and dreams.  And it requires your genuine desire to participate, as well as your openness to the process, in order to be helpful to you.

2. Repair the damage.  When you are sitting with too much hurt  for too long, you begin to develop coping behaviors to protect yourself from the pain.  These coping responses may have caused your relationship some damage.  For example, many people withdrawal from their partner to avoid further rejection or pain.  Some partners become overly clingy, and possibly a little controlling or insecure.  However you have responded is okay; we simply need to uncover what works, and what doesn't.  Then we have to heal what's broken through an open exploration of where you've been, what hurts have gone unaddressed, and to stop the harmful behaviors and replace them with new, more effective behaviors.

3. STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.   All relationships experience conflicts and issues.  It is not the difficulties in relationships that pose the greatest risk to your relationship's survival; it is your response to these difficulties that makes or breaks a relationship.   Couples counseling will offer you new skills and strategies to begin managing relationship conflicts more effectively.  You will also be given tools to start tolerating your pain more effectively so that it doesn't cause secondary damage to your relationship. 

4. Heal your connection.  We partner to feel connected.  When we are disconnected, we feel alone, isolated, and sometimes even unlovable.  Through a series of exercises (both in session, and at home) you will be coached in ways that help you reconnect.  You will be taught ways to begin opening to one another and allowing yourselves to soften, turn toward each other, and exchange meaningful, tender moments that fill you up, rather than deplete or tear you down.  Couple's counseling with Michele is based on the shared belief that your relationship CAN and WILL survive and thrive.  You know it can, your partner knows it can, and I know it can.  So if you want your relationship to feel better, let's get started!

Though there is no "typical" or "right" way to approach sessions, a rough guideline for a relationship counseling process would be to meet weekly for roughly four sessions, then reduce visits to biweekly for four sessions, and ultimately follow-up with monthly sessions for roughly four months, or as desired.  

Many couples use monthly sessions as a way of nurturing their relationship and preventing future issues.