thelesbiandatingbook.com

 Lesbian dating Survey

for Partnered Lesbians and Bisexual Women

by Ellen Holland, MSW and Michele O'Mara, LCSW

 

 

The following questions have been devised by Ellen Holland, MSW and Michele O'Mara, LCSW in an effort to gather real data from real lesbians, and bisexual women, about dating.  This survey is designed to be completed by individuals who identify as "partnered."  If you and your partner are completing this, be sure you do your own - DO NOT COMPLETE THIS TOGETHER.  Some of the questions below will apply to your current relationship, others will apply to your dating history.

 

 

 

All survey responses are anonymous.  We do not request email addresses, and we receive the forms without a return address so that your identity will remain 100% anonymous to us and everyone else.  Please be honest.  The results will not be meaningful otherwise.  Enjoy the questions!

 

 

*must be age 18 or older to complete*

About You

About Your Partner

City/State  

Your Age  Race/ethnicity  

Religion        

Occupation   

City/State  

 Age  Race/ethnicity   

Religion        Gender

Occupation  

 # children you have?     # cats do you have?    # dogs do you have?

Highest Ed Level:  High School Some College Bachelor's Degree  Master's Degree Doctoral Degree

RELATIONSHIP STATUS (check all that apply)

Committed 

Married to man, 

     monogamous with another 

     woman 

Partnered and looking

Polyamorous relationship

Unfaithfully committed

Other

If none of the above, explain:

 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Lesbian Bisexual Bi-curious  I'm not gay, I just love my partner Confused No labels, please

Other 

 

How long have you been in your current relationship? 

 

How did you meet your current significant other?

 

Do you live with your significant other? Yes No We hope to eventually We don't plan to

 

If so, how long did you date before moving in together?

 

What is the best thing about your relationship?

 

What is the biggest challenge in your relationship?

 

 

Is it okay to flirt with others outside of your relationship? Yes No Depends Yes for me, no for her!

 

Have you had an affair while in this relationship? Yes No Not physically, but emotionally

 

Do you and your significant other still go on dates? Yes No Sort of

 

Do you have any deal breakers in your relationship? Yes No  

If yes, explain what they are:

 

Do you know if your partner has deal breakers in the relationship?  Yes No  

What are your partner’s deal breakers?

 

Do you tell your partner everything?  Yes No  

 

Do you and your s/o have other gay or lesbian couples with whom you socialize? Yes No  

Do you and your s/o have other heterosexual couples with whom you socialize?   Yes No  

 

What does dating mean to you?

  

Which describes you? (Though we're not fans of labels, we are curious if you self-identify as any of these - check all, if any, that apply)

Lesbian

Nerd 

Top  

Artist  

Drinker 

Heterosexual

Lipstick lesbian

Player

Normal 

Wants children

Bisexual

Earthy

Professional

Monogamous

Doesn't want children

Without children

Bi-curious

Sporty

Butch

Transgender

Feminine

Old school 

Loner 

Non smoker 

Smoker 

Rides motorcycles 

Spiritual 

Religious 

Tattoos/piercing 

Good grammar 

Wears Birkenstocks  

Wears heels

Heterosexually married 

Heterosexually divorced 

Out 

Closeted  

Musician 

Athlete  

Funny 

Passive  

Serious  

Assertive  

Creative  

Romantic   

Intelligent 

Barfly

Likes pets

Has pets 

Dyke 

Masculine

Activist

No lesbian experience

Doesn't want/have pets

Queer

Androgynous (not masculine,  

     not feminine) 

Feminist 

Vegetarian

Soft butch

Bottom

Drama queen

Lesbian mom 

Non drinker

Talkative

Driven/Motivated

Predictable  

Honest 

Wear deodorants/perfumes

Doesn't Wear 

     deodorants/perfumes

 

Tall  

Short  

Average height 

Plus size 

Average size  

Petite  

Nice legs 

Nice smile 

Nice hands  

Nice derričre 

Pretty face 

Nice eyes 

Short hair 

Average length hair 

Long hair  

Doesn't shave legs/pits  

Shave legs/pits 

Physically fit

Fashion conscious  

Good hygiene 

Good dental care/teeth

Comfortable in a dress

 

Any additional labels you identify with that are not listed? 

                 

Check all of the following that you looked for when you pursued a potential partner.  

Lesbian

Nerd 

Top  

Artist  

Drinker 

Heterosexual

Lipstick lesbian

Player

Normal 

Wants children

Bisexual

Earthy

Professional

Monogamous

Doesn't want children

Without children

Bi-curious

Sporty

Butch

Transgender

Feminine

Old school 

Loner 

Non smoker 

Smoker 

Ride motorcycles 

Spiritual 

Religious 

Tattoos/piercing 

Good grammar 

Wear Birkenstocks  

Wears heels

Heterosexually married

Heterosexually divorced 

Out 

Closeted  

Musician 

Athlete  

Funny 

Passive  

Serious  

Assertive  

Creative  

Romantic   

Intelligent 

Barfly

Likes pets

Has pets 

Dyke 

Masculine

Activist

No lesbian experience

Doesn't want/have pets

Queer

Androgynous (not  

     masculine, not feminine) 

Feminist 

Vegetarian

Soft butch

Bottom

Drama-queen

Lesbian mom 

Non drinker

Talkative

Driven/motivated

Predictable  

Honest 

Wear deodorants/perfumes

Doesn't wear 

     deodorants/perfumes

Tall  

Short  

Average height 

Plus size 

Average size  

Petite  

Nice legs 

Nice smile 

Nice hands  

Nice derričre 

Pretty face 

Nice eyes 

Short hair 

Average length hair  

Long hair  

Doesn't shave legs/pits  

Shave legs/pits 

Physically fit

Fashion conscious  

Good hygiene 

Good dental care/teeth

Comfortable in a dress

 

Are there other preferred characteristics that are not listed? 

              

Check all of the following that were ESSENTIAL to you or that you MUST HAVE in a potential partner.

Lesbian

Nerd 

Top  

Artist  

Drinker 

Heterosexual

Lipstick lesbian

Player

Normal 

Wants children

Bisexual

Earthy

Professional

Monogamous

Doesn't want children

Without children

Bi-curious

Sporty

Butch

Transgender

Feminine

Old school 

Loner 

Non smoker 

Smoker 

Ride motorcycles

Spiritual 

Religious 

Tattoos/piercing 

Good grammar 

Wear Birkenstocks  

Heterosexually married

Heterosexually divorced 

Out 

Closeted  

Musician 

Athlete  

Funny 

Passive  

Serious  

Assertive  

Creative  

Romantic   

Intelligent 

Barfly

Likes pets

Has pets 

Dyke 

Masculine

Activist

No lesbian experience

Doesn't want or have pets

Queer

Androgynous (not masculine,  

     not feminine) 

Feminist 

Vegetarian

Soft Butch

Bottom

Drama queen

Lesbian mom 

Non drinker

Talkative

Driven/Motivated

Predictable  

Honest 

Wear deodorants/perfumes

Doesn't wear 

     deodorants/perfumes

Tall  

Short  

Average height 

Plus size 

Average size  

Petite  

Nice legs 

Nice smile 

Nice hands  

Nice derričre 

Pretty face 

Nice eyes 

Short hair 

Average length hair  

Long hair  

Doesn't shave legs/pits  

Shave legs/pits 

Physically fit

Fashion conscious  

Good hygiene 

Good dental care/teeth

Comfortable in a dress

 

Other MUST HAVE characteristics of your potential partner that are not listed? 

  

Did you pick your partner based on these essential and preferred characteristics? Yes No  If no, explain:

 

 

Do you believe it is okay for someone to pursue someone who is in a relationship?  

Yes No Depends on Circumstances

 

 

When you have been interested in someone, were you willing to initiate or ask her out?

Yes No Depends on Circumstances

 

 

Have you historically required that there be signs of interest before asking someone out? 

Yes No, If I'm interested I ask  

 

 

How would you describe your experiences meeting other single lesbians?

It's Easy It's somewhat easy It's Somewhat difficult  It's difficult I haven't met any other lesbians yet 

 

Check all of the steps you have you taken to find potential women to date (now or in the past)?

None

Making my sexual orientation known around women 

     I'm interested in dating

Noticing women that interest me

Asking others to introduce me

Going on blind dates

Going to lesbian friendly bookstores

Visiting lesbian vacation spots, lesbian cruises, or other  

      lesbian travel adventures

Attending church

Attending sporting events

Playing/Watching organized recreational sports (i.e. 

      softball, basketball, golf, volleyball)

Attending potlucks, game nights, book clubs and other 

      lesbian-specific social activities

Joining GLBT professional groups and associations

Registering for online dating service

Attending lesbian single's functions

Reading/responding to personals

Attending school, classes, hobbies, clubs, etc

Volunteer with gay friendly organizations

Involve self with GLBT advocacy organizations and activities

Attending gay/lesbian friend's parties

Joining fitness center

Self-help groups

What other steps have you taken to find potential women to date?

The following questions are based on your past experiences - unless they currently apply.

How many woman, total, have you dated in your life?                      


How many men, total, have you dated in your life?              
                        

 

How long ago did you begin dating women?                                     Yrs and Mo's

 

What is your longest period of time, single, between women?    Yrs and Mo's               

 

What is your longest term relationship?                                                      Yrs and Mo's  

What is the best part of dating?

What is the worst part of dating?

 

What would you say are the top five  ways/places to meet single lesbians?  

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

 

Which do you consider good first date activities?

None  

Coffee date  

Share a meal  

A walk  

Cooking for your date

Religious service 

Self-help meeting  

Drinks  

Sporting event  

A party  

Activity with lots of 

      people 

Rent movie/carry-out

Meet up with friends  

Working out

Going shopping/mall

Watch TV show

Political event

Movie Theatre   

Bowling  

Live entertainment 

Queer event - 

     march, pride, etc.

Other first-date activities?

 

Describe the best date you've been on.

What made it so good? 

Conversation   

Eye contact 

First date 

Energy/Connection 

Fun/Humor 

Spontaneity

The activity/event of our 

      date 

She wanted to see me again

Seemed she liked me

I liked her 

 

Our kiss 

Sex  

Her personality

 

Other reasons your date was so good?

Have you ever been out with another woman and wondered is this a date?   Yes No

Describe the worst date you've been on.

 

What made it so bad?

Conversation   

Eye contact 

First date 

Energy/Connection 

Fun/Humor 

Spontaneity

The activity/event of our 

      date 

She wanted to see me again

Seemed she liked me

I liked her 

 

Our kiss 

Sex  

Her personality  

 

Other reasons your date was so bad?

Do you believe you have one soul mate?   Yes No  Not Certain   

 

 

Have you met her? Yes No  I don't believe in them 

 

 

 

Do you kiss on the first date?